Interrupting Connection

I could start this by saying I’m not going to judge.
But the truth is, I am judging.

I know I shouldn’t. Because there is a whole story that goes with every person and every situation that we cannot know from the outside. I know this. But still, I judge.

So I am exploring connection from two ends as I write this: First, how my judgment would impact the connection with this person I will tell you about shortly, should we ever meet; And second, the impact of what I saw, on connection.

I am sitting at a sidewalk table having breakfast. When I look up from the two very large pancakes on my plate, I see a woman pushing a stroller. The child (maybe hers, maybe not) is facing her; they are old enough to sit up and interact. And what is she doing? She is looking at her phone while walking.

I am stunned.

Because in my world, one should be interacting with the child. That is how children learn social skills, social cues, and that they are loved and cared for - when we pay attention to them.

Connection happens in small moments; when we notice something, when we share an experience, when we catch an expression. These are moments that bind us. (My daughter and I are still laughing about something stupid I did last week that she witnessed…) If this was indeed the child of the woman pushing the stroller, I wonder what she is missing as they walk. And what that could mean later, when there could be conversations.

Phone 1: connection 0

Of course, I don’t know this woman or her story. Maybe this is the only time in the day she can get onto her phone. Maybe it’s an emergency. Maybe she was lost and looking at Google Maps….

But this makes me want to weep. For her, for the child, and for humanity.

I loved chatting with my daughter in the stroller, and seeing the world through her eyes. I still love chatting with her. And yes, phones are disrupting our connection as well now. Disconnection has creeped into our lives slowly. Less time talking at the dinner table, more time talking on the phone with friends, or checking one more email, or watching Netflix. One day I fear we won’t know what is going on in each others lives or hearts. Or how to find out.

I see how easy it is… And still… I judge.

That judgment would be a wall between us should this woman and I ever meet. Having already formulated the story in my mind, it would influence if and how I speak to her, and what I say. It would also likely impact how I hear her, and my response to her. All of that makes it almost impossible to get to know someone.

Judgment 1: connection 0